lj idol;fatburg
Mar. 10th, 2019 04:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yachiru"Bullshit!"
Missus Lupi Gabriella Vasquez gazed down her long nose at me. Her upper lip curled up in a snarl.
I stared in fascination at the dark black hairs that stood up on her upper lip.
Were they vibrating? Could she sense things like a cat?
"Edward Noble Egg Silvenius III, I will have your respect! I am Guild Mistress and your elder!" She sang the words, spit flying at my face.
I rubbed my palm over my face, considering again my decision to become a knight and join a guild.
It was supposed to be different. I wasn't supposed to be in dented armor, looking up at some sort of hellbeast as she gave me the worst assignment every single time.
Rein. He was to blame. Yes he was. Strutting around in his golden armor with his perfectly coiffed fur.
He's one of the lion people. Not in a gross way. Like a really majestic way. He could be a unicorn and I could be the virgin sacrifice. If we were being lenient with the "virgin" part.
I mean what is sex really? Is it rutting against the pretty stable lad's flank in a horse stall? I think not.
The Wolf was mad. That was important right?
Damned if I wanted to take the assignment but I needed the money.
I bowed and gave her my best "I am cute and harmless, love me" smile. "I apologize, Guild Mistress. I am of course happy to take any assignment you desire me for."
Her whiskers twitched.
She grabbed a file and slammed it on the desk in front of me.
"You're going into the underneath again. Have fun, trash knight."
I slowly took the folder. I was not a trash knight. Yes, my armor was two sizes too big and literally anything stained it. I wasn't a trash anything. I wasn't.
Knights killed dragons and even trash dragons were considered technically dragons.
Damned Wizards.
We've sent them letters. Put flyers on their doors. We've had meetings. Nothing worked! Wizards were still flushing magical discharge, clogging up the tunnels with their waste. Every now and again BOOM dragons were born. I fought a newspaper dragon who cut me in places I am still aching from.
Rein got to go kill the big ones. The dragons with names like Gilda the Gold and Blackheart and Gump.
Me? I got sewer duty.
I was going to kick the next Wizard I met in his bony knee.
The sewers had only one real entrance. I used my key to open the iron door.
The rounded walls were stone to stone, in various shades of gray. My magelight bounced off it.
I hoped this dragon wasn't in one of the lower rooms where the water got even deeper. I was already splashing in dark brown water that smelled like things I didn't want to think about.
I went deeper and deeper, passing bones and vicious rodents. No dragon.
I turned a corner and saw an odd watery blob so tall it almost reached the ceiling.
"Don't tell me it's a poop dragon. I hate those."
I sighed and approached, poking at the gelatinous sides with my sword.
The blob exploded, spraying dark liquid. A dragon appeared in the middle of it all. Not a trash dragon. No way. Its scales were hard leathery things. Its yellow eyes were slitted.
"It's in my mouth," I wailed. The water covered every part of me. My eyebrows were soggy!
The dragon breathed, launching a fireball at me. I ducked and landed back in the dirty water.
Foolish boy. I am DEATH. I am FERGUS!
Fergus? Names meant power. Names meant age. What did we do with real dragons? Virgins? No. Didn't Rein rub dragonsbane on his armor? Shit, I'd been too cheap to buy any.
I rolled, avoiding another blast.
Oh god, the smell.
I lurched to my feed and gagged, vomiting water on the wall.
I held my hand up.
"Hey, I surrender. It's fine, kill me. Kill the whole block. The whole city. These people are jerks. I had an old lady spit on me yesterday because I wouldn't buy her dead flowers. She said I had a rosy bottom! Burn it all!"
I paused. "First her though. I think her name is Liberty. She has grand kids. They're jerks too. Also there's this Wolf who was mean to me earlier. She has it coming."
Fergus stopped. His sides shook, making a low chuffing noise. The vibrations shook the stone walls. I could feel them in my chest.
Laughter. I'd heard enough of it at my expense that I'd recognize it anywhere.
He shrank and shrank and shrank until only a small piece of him remained, reflecting diamond bright against the dark of the water below.
"I like you," he said. He'd transformed into a man a little taller than me, with a wide mouth and bright yellow eyes.
"Sparkly," I breathed.
He smiled. Even his teeth were shiny.
I shook my head. "Why are you a person now?"
Confusing. Hot. Confusing. Dragon?
"Oh dear, have I broken you? I hope now. Come, boy, I have decided to have adventures with you. We shall find the lost Cult of Muldoon and convince them to buy a time share in the Nether realm. It's near a nude beach but honestly you can't see anything with it being the realm of eternal darkness."
"Adventures?" I asked dumbly.
Sexy adventures? He wasn't wearing a shirt. The lack of nipples disturbed me somehow.
"Any kind of adventures you like! Even sexy ones." He whispered that last part I was sure.
Missus Lupi Gabriella Vasquez gazed down her long nose at me. Her upper lip curled up in a snarl.
I stared in fascination at the dark black hairs that stood up on her upper lip.
Were they vibrating? Could she sense things like a cat?
"Edward Noble Egg Silvenius III, I will have your respect! I am Guild Mistress and your elder!" She sang the words, spit flying at my face.
I rubbed my palm over my face, considering again my decision to become a knight and join a guild.
It was supposed to be different. I wasn't supposed to be in dented armor, looking up at some sort of hellbeast as she gave me the worst assignment every single time.
Rein. He was to blame. Yes he was. Strutting around in his golden armor with his perfectly coiffed fur.
He's one of the lion people. Not in a gross way. Like a really majestic way. He could be a unicorn and I could be the virgin sacrifice. If we were being lenient with the "virgin" part.
I mean what is sex really? Is it rutting against the pretty stable lad's flank in a horse stall? I think not.
The Wolf was mad. That was important right?
Damned if I wanted to take the assignment but I needed the money.
I bowed and gave her my best "I am cute and harmless, love me" smile. "I apologize, Guild Mistress. I am of course happy to take any assignment you desire me for."
Her whiskers twitched.
She grabbed a file and slammed it on the desk in front of me.
"You're going into the underneath again. Have fun, trash knight."
I slowly took the folder. I was not a trash knight. Yes, my armor was two sizes too big and literally anything stained it. I wasn't a trash anything. I wasn't.
Knights killed dragons and even trash dragons were considered technically dragons.
Damned Wizards.
We've sent them letters. Put flyers on their doors. We've had meetings. Nothing worked! Wizards were still flushing magical discharge, clogging up the tunnels with their waste. Every now and again BOOM dragons were born. I fought a newspaper dragon who cut me in places I am still aching from.
Rein got to go kill the big ones. The dragons with names like Gilda the Gold and Blackheart and Gump.
Me? I got sewer duty.
I was going to kick the next Wizard I met in his bony knee.
The sewers had only one real entrance. I used my key to open the iron door.
The rounded walls were stone to stone, in various shades of gray. My magelight bounced off it.
I hoped this dragon wasn't in one of the lower rooms where the water got even deeper. I was already splashing in dark brown water that smelled like things I didn't want to think about.
I went deeper and deeper, passing bones and vicious rodents. No dragon.
I turned a corner and saw an odd watery blob so tall it almost reached the ceiling.
"Don't tell me it's a poop dragon. I hate those."
I sighed and approached, poking at the gelatinous sides with my sword.
The blob exploded, spraying dark liquid. A dragon appeared in the middle of it all. Not a trash dragon. No way. Its scales were hard leathery things. Its yellow eyes were slitted.
"It's in my mouth," I wailed. The water covered every part of me. My eyebrows were soggy!
The dragon breathed, launching a fireball at me. I ducked and landed back in the dirty water.
Foolish boy. I am DEATH. I am FERGUS!
Fergus? Names meant power. Names meant age. What did we do with real dragons? Virgins? No. Didn't Rein rub dragonsbane on his armor? Shit, I'd been too cheap to buy any.
I rolled, avoiding another blast.
Oh god, the smell.
I lurched to my feed and gagged, vomiting water on the wall.
I held my hand up.
"Hey, I surrender. It's fine, kill me. Kill the whole block. The whole city. These people are jerks. I had an old lady spit on me yesterday because I wouldn't buy her dead flowers. She said I had a rosy bottom! Burn it all!"
I paused. "First her though. I think her name is Liberty. She has grand kids. They're jerks too. Also there's this Wolf who was mean to me earlier. She has it coming."
Fergus stopped. His sides shook, making a low chuffing noise. The vibrations shook the stone walls. I could feel them in my chest.
Laughter. I'd heard enough of it at my expense that I'd recognize it anywhere.
He shrank and shrank and shrank until only a small piece of him remained, reflecting diamond bright against the dark of the water below.
"I like you," he said. He'd transformed into a man a little taller than me, with a wide mouth and bright yellow eyes.
"Sparkly," I breathed.
He smiled. Even his teeth were shiny.
I shook my head. "Why are you a person now?"
Confusing. Hot. Confusing. Dragon?
"Oh dear, have I broken you? I hope now. Come, boy, I have decided to have adventures with you. We shall find the lost Cult of Muldoon and convince them to buy a time share in the Nether realm. It's near a nude beach but honestly you can't see anything with it being the realm of eternal darkness."
"Adventures?" I asked dumbly.
Sexy adventures? He wasn't wearing a shirt. The lack of nipples disturbed me somehow.
"Any kind of adventures you like! Even sexy ones." He whispered that last part I was sure.
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no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-18 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-18 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-18 09:46 pm (UTC)It looks as if some embodiment of mischief was waiting for that poor knight-- and not a moment too soon. :)
no subject
Date: 2019-03-18 11:11 pm (UTC)It was a fun read.