LJidol Week 1:All is Well

[yachiru]

Title:All is Well
Prompt:Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory
TW:A little gore
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Urie clicked the lights on and off three times. He did this twice more, running his hand over the wood veneer of the light switch.

9:15 and all was well. Or at least it would be once Urie checked on his chickens, his goats, and Clem, the cow.

He knew it was late and they’d all be asleep. Knew it wasn’t really normal to need to go out into the darkness.Every night he thought about it, staring at the rifle he kept behind his cabin door.

He thought about the night years ago when he’d woken at the same time. Something had told him to check the fence or the wire. But he hadn’t gone out and the next day he’d found all of them dead. Lumps of flesh torn in two, hardly recognizable as animals.

Urie still dreamed of those parts. Most hadn’t even been consumed as though the wolf killed them for fun.

The sky was dark, he imagined the stars gone as empty sockets where light bulbs should be.

Urie clicked the lights on and off three times.

He shrugged on his sheepskin coat and took the gun out from behind the door. He held it in his hand and thought about what would happen if he went out with it. If he found the wolf and shot it dead.

Would he stop dreaming about legs still twitching and body parts torn into twos and threes? Would he stop dreaming of grass so red?

Urie looked at his mantle.

There weren’t any pictures of him in his house. He’d often had the thought that a picture would make him a real person. Or that a part of his soul would be held there in the frame.

Urie clicked the lights on and off three times.

He thought maybe if he shot the thing he was afraid of he wouldn’t dream anymore. But he knew if he killed one another would hatch in the forest, slithering from its shell to Urie’s farm. It would not be deterred by the high fences or the sharp wire.

He left the gun at his door.

9:15 and all was well as he checked the fences that were too high and the sharp wire that wrapped around them. He listened to the chickens, wishing he could dream their chicken dreams. He watched the goats all curled up in a goat pile.

Clem leaned her head over the fence, gently nuzzling the red curls at the top of his head.

“You love me don’t you?” he asked her soft black nose.

He rubbed her ears for a second. Her eyes crossed.

She sneezed violently, blowing liquid onto his face and beard.

He laughed until one of the chickens came out to peck at his boots.

Comments

[chasing_silver]

An interesting study of trauma and what it can do. Thank you!

[winter_time]

Love what you did with this prompt and the way you build the atmosphere really draws me in!

[thephantomq]

The repeated actions of Urie turning the lights on and off three times is very reminiscent of OCD. Just... the little rituals that folks with that disorder will do in order to help curtail the intrusive and obsessive thoughts. Well done.

[reidharriscooper]

Clem understands.

[adoptedwriter]

The tension in this builds so well.

[roina_arwen]

Great build up! I love the repetition of clicking the lights on and off, and what a great relief at the end.

Gesundheit, Clem!

[fausts_dream]

Oh man, the start to this contest. So many great writers.

Love the feel of this and so taut, no wasted words.

[murielle]

This touched me. You paint the regret vividly. And then the interaction with Clem--soothes.

[bleodswean]

Such a study in brokenness and I love how everything is centered on ravaged bodies!

[halfshellvenus]

He’d often had the thought that a picture would make him a real person.
I liked this line a lot-- so unexpected, and I like what it shows about the character.

Would he stop dreaming of grass so red?
Such a perfect, descriptive detail to help form the whole picture of what was so awful and why it still haunts him.

[swirlsofpurple]

Brilliant portrayal of the compulsions that can arise from traumatic events, loved the ending.

[rayaso]

This was fascinating, and very well written. I have to agree with Halfshell about the details.

[drippedonpaper]

I feel for this man. He sounds so afraid.

This line really stood out to me: " He’d often had the thought that a picture would make him a real person."

I often...don't feel real? Assume no one sees me? Which makes no sense really. I feel I walk through the world...unnoticed.

And I wonder if that might heal this poor guy in your story. Maybe he needs to feel seen and loved by at least one person.

And then I think wow, your writing is amazing as I am now all worried for someone who isn't even real (the man in your story.)

Great job!

[muchtooarrogant]

I agree with what others have said, this is a interesting portrayal of someone dealing with a traumatic event.

Thanks for sharing.

Dan

[tonithegreat]

But is it a wolf? An alien? A monster? Whatever it was, you painted quite a scene!

[static_abyss]

I love the tone of this piece. You really got the tension just right. But I have to say that Clem sneezing is my favorite part.

[banana_galaxy]

This was really vivid storytelling. I could really feel for Urie. Trauma like that is really hard to escape from.

[mollywheezy]

Your words painted a very vivid picture. Excellent work!

[alycewilson]

I love the subtle way you show how he's coping and damaged from the trauma, but his animals love him.

[erulissedances]

He's healing, but this will be a slow journey. I do like the barriers he's placed - they seem strong and very well placed to protect those under his care safely.

- Erulisse (one L)'

[gunwithoutmusic]

I really enjoyed this, even if I'm still feeling vaguely unsettled by the ending. You really did a good job creating atmosphere here and packing a lot into a small bite. I'm excited to see where the next prompt will take you. :)